Another day in motherly Bliss! Usual morning Drill of chaos, lost voice, and panic... Ready to take my kids to school, we get in the car, I through'er in reverse, crunch someones...(there was still a three head count in my rear view mirror) so i didn't even to stop to see...
So, half way down the driveway and this ferrous little ninja creature tries to run us off the driveway, or Daisy 'einer dog chasing another squirrel. I whip'er back in reverse running back over the same "thing", ah a bike! I Grab the ninja hike her Ashlyn to go put her in the house.
Now, my car starts to ding and remind me what it had reminded me 20 miles ago "Hello?...some gas please!"
Now, we continue to school where I hump and scootch all along the way, no not because I'm horne or perhaps have an itch, but because somewhere I think it's known the constant thrust of the hips pushes along a car choking for fuel.
I blow through my usual corner "stop" sign, this time without Officer Hamm shaking a finger at me, scream to the crossing guard to get the hell out of the way, ditch thing 1 and 2, and continue coasting to the gas station!
There I can not find my check book. A licked sucker covered in lint and Ritz cracker, and a tampon that has wiggled from it wrapper, but no checkbook! I look over each shoulder to ensure no one is watching me pull out my visa-like, reserved plastic friend, that if my husband asks; no, I don't have, and never happened!
Then, I remember my husband begging last night, no not for sex this time, but to get him a hockey stick today... He's too busy!!! :) yes, I know you're the one that works! ...He requests an all wooden, lefty...
...now never playing hockey, I hold a stick with my right, then left, then right, examine the curve of the blade, repeat these steps 6 more times, back and forth like I'm paddling the rapids. Correct me if I'm wrong but every player I've seen uses both damn hands!!! So, who knew whether the dominate hand was the lower or upper hand? Either way I purchased "a" stick and don't want to hear anymore about it!
Dropped Bostyn to my mom's, rushed back to the school for Pre-K Center Time,"centa-nures" as Ashlyn calls them. Took her home after, and made a special trip to tops for the strawberries and bubble gum I promised her yesterday, and unfortunately she remembered!
Got our berries and first of year corn on the cob, yum! She dug around the check outs, all 10 of them, and NO pink bubble tape... oh, Lord was she ferrous that there was the empty boxes, but no gum!
And so the tears start... Then, she spots a purple balloon. Temporally solved the drama until, wait she didn't check the very last aisle for gum. While she looks, another lil' snot in pig tales swoops away the ONLY purple balloon in the damn store!
At this point, I'm ready to open a can of mama... Then, I see the brat has a little old papa with her, and because well, I have a rather classy spot in me for their frail little clanging of bones...I tuck my flying elbow back in my shirt, put my dangling earrings back in, and put the lid back on the can.
Instead, I listen to a four year-old with no gum and no purple balloon carry on for I think it was centuries! Then, she chooses to stop crying if we go for a cure-all ice cream...so, she got half... and when asked where the rest had went, well.. told her it was hot, and it melted. (possibly, in mother's stomach!)
Arrive to pick up Bostyn where he proudly says he just peeded outside... he meant, he opened the door and launched it on Grandma's porch and welcome mat, with a stream line leading back over the threshold and entryway.
Apparently, it is possible to wear out your welcome even at Grandma's when destroying the welcome mat, so we left.
Then, to visit a friend... where I left Bostyn's blanket! Didn't realize until I was heading to school, 5minutes away from picking up Coldyn and had 2 minutes to get there.
Got him and went all the way back to get blankie. Absolutely, bedtime would not be without that!! My phone, 1st born child, winning lotto ticket, anything else would have just been "I'll get it next time I see you," but not the balnkie! For the love of blankie, it's silk lining is the best for suffocating a toddler to sleep.
The way home somewhere in my daze of very loud radio, shades on, windows down... I'm pretend cruzin' the strip and Bostyn is eating the strawberries, stem and all, and raw corn on cob, of course after husking in the car. All most home and discover he was also dipping it in the ranch from mc'Ds... well, what wasn't painted on the window.
I reach for my last few sips of water and beg that some fairy has switched it to vodka... but, more likely I get, "I'm thirsty too" from the back seat. With the last swallow in my mouth I'm not sure whether I spit it back in the bottle and give it up, or just grab her by the jaw and birdy style spit into her mouth, either appropriate as only a mother gives up her saliva and last swallow to thirst.
While I'm cleaning the car, Bostyn shits down his leg and into his boot.. apparently, when a child eats raw corn, strawberry stems, and ranch that's baked in the car all day, it tends to upset the belly! hu? It's 80 outside so I use the hose and get off easy this time.
I finally go to Daisy's dog cage, where she is locked in along with a dumped bucket of Legos and a 8pk of juice boxes... don't ask... she looks at me like, "Sure been nice on this bed of nails, empty water dish, and juice I can't get the straw in!"
I apologize to my lil 'einer and tell her of my day scootching on a camel, in the desert, where I hadn't even my last swallow of water either... I'm glad someone understands, because when I speak of such to my husband, he is going to just look at me blank and say... "whats for dinner?"
So, half way down the driveway and this ferrous little ninja creature tries to run us off the driveway, or Daisy 'einer dog chasing another squirrel. I whip'er back in reverse running back over the same "thing", ah a bike! I Grab the ninja hike her Ashlyn to go put her in the house.
Now, my car starts to ding and remind me what it had reminded me 20 miles ago "Hello?...some gas please!"
Now, we continue to school where I hump and scootch all along the way, no not because I'm horne or perhaps have an itch, but because somewhere I think it's known the constant thrust of the hips pushes along a car choking for fuel.
I blow through my usual corner "stop" sign, this time without Officer Hamm shaking a finger at me, scream to the crossing guard to get the hell out of the way, ditch thing 1 and 2, and continue coasting to the gas station!
There I can not find my check book. A licked sucker covered in lint and Ritz cracker, and a tampon that has wiggled from it wrapper, but no checkbook! I look over each shoulder to ensure no one is watching me pull out my visa-like, reserved plastic friend, that if my husband asks; no, I don't have, and never happened!
Then, I remember my husband begging last night, no not for sex this time, but to get him a hockey stick today... He's too busy!!! :) yes, I know you're the one that works! ...He requests an all wooden, lefty...
...now never playing hockey, I hold a stick with my right, then left, then right, examine the curve of the blade, repeat these steps 6 more times, back and forth like I'm paddling the rapids. Correct me if I'm wrong but every player I've seen uses both damn hands!!! So, who knew whether the dominate hand was the lower or upper hand? Either way I purchased "a" stick and don't want to hear anymore about it!
Dropped Bostyn to my mom's, rushed back to the school for Pre-K Center Time,"centa-nures" as Ashlyn calls them. Took her home after, and made a special trip to tops for the strawberries and bubble gum I promised her yesterday, and unfortunately she remembered!
Got our berries and first of year corn on the cob, yum! She dug around the check outs, all 10 of them, and NO pink bubble tape... oh, Lord was she ferrous that there was the empty boxes, but no gum!
And so the tears start... Then, she spots a purple balloon. Temporally solved the drama until, wait she didn't check the very last aisle for gum. While she looks, another lil' snot in pig tales swoops away the ONLY purple balloon in the damn store!
At this point, I'm ready to open a can of mama... Then, I see the brat has a little old papa with her, and because well, I have a rather classy spot in me for their frail little clanging of bones...I tuck my flying elbow back in my shirt, put my dangling earrings back in, and put the lid back on the can.
Instead, I listen to a four year-old with no gum and no purple balloon carry on for I think it was centuries! Then, she chooses to stop crying if we go for a cure-all ice cream...so, she got half... and when asked where the rest had went, well.. told her it was hot, and it melted. (possibly, in mother's stomach!)
Arrive to pick up Bostyn where he proudly says he just peeded outside... he meant, he opened the door and launched it on Grandma's porch and welcome mat, with a stream line leading back over the threshold and entryway.
Apparently, it is possible to wear out your welcome even at Grandma's when destroying the welcome mat, so we left.
Then, to visit a friend... where I left Bostyn's blanket! Didn't realize until I was heading to school, 5minutes away from picking up Coldyn and had 2 minutes to get there.
Got him and went all the way back to get blankie. Absolutely, bedtime would not be without that!! My phone, 1st born child, winning lotto ticket, anything else would have just been "I'll get it next time I see you," but not the balnkie! For the love of blankie, it's silk lining is the best for suffocating a toddler to sleep.
The way home somewhere in my daze of very loud radio, shades on, windows down... I'm pretend cruzin' the strip and Bostyn is eating the strawberries, stem and all, and raw corn on cob, of course after husking in the car. All most home and discover he was also dipping it in the ranch from mc'Ds... well, what wasn't painted on the window.
I reach for my last few sips of water and beg that some fairy has switched it to vodka... but, more likely I get, "I'm thirsty too" from the back seat. With the last swallow in my mouth I'm not sure whether I spit it back in the bottle and give it up, or just grab her by the jaw and birdy style spit into her mouth, either appropriate as only a mother gives up her saliva and last swallow to thirst.
While I'm cleaning the car, Bostyn shits down his leg and into his boot.. apparently, when a child eats raw corn, strawberry stems, and ranch that's baked in the car all day, it tends to upset the belly! hu? It's 80 outside so I use the hose and get off easy this time.
I finally go to Daisy's dog cage, where she is locked in along with a dumped bucket of Legos and a 8pk of juice boxes... don't ask... she looks at me like, "Sure been nice on this bed of nails, empty water dish, and juice I can't get the straw in!"
I apologize to my lil 'einer and tell her of my day scootching on a camel, in the desert, where I hadn't even my last swallow of water either... I'm glad someone understands, because when I speak of such to my husband, he is going to just look at me blank and say... "whats for dinner?"
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