Don't forget to make summer copies!

I have made a master copy for all the mothers preparing for summer break...
That's right, 73 days without the magic school bus swooping into your rescue, to save your well-being... prevent the waiting at the road with flares, begging for a bus, a stopping vehicle, or even a mother baboon to take over, so you can simply shower...

Remember, by week two, Grandma will quit answering the phone, and the only things remaining in your fridge will be an opened curdled yogurt, and small muddy bootprints stamped on the shelving. Run, don't walk... that toddler your chasing has what's left of your sanity in his marker-covered hands and help is just a play-date away...

Photocopy, photocopy, print, paste...leave on bathroom walls, bulletin boards, handout the last day of school, and insert into the weekly Penny Saver...

Now booking July and August Play dates:
In YOUR non-smoking, sugar-free, pet friendly home, only...
Two nights, three days minimum stay;
Meals and one phone call home included.

Licensed Python handlers, lion tamers, and prison guards receive first booking option.
Offer not intended for anyone with illness, serious injury, heart condition, chemical imbalance, back problem, or future plans of starting a family.

Must be capable of lifting 43lbs, doing 18 things at once, and have 20/20 vision in the eyes on the back of your head.

Not responsible for any lost or damaged items;
Things flushed into your septic, fires, floods, loss of pets, shattered glass, belongings chewed by the lawnmower or my toddler, items left in the sandbox, valuables covered in pony stickers, purple marker, or Elmer's glue...

No cancellations!
Return Policy is as follows: Only recently fed, fully bathed, and happy, smiling children will be accepted between the hours of 10am and 7pm. Child is allowed only one small carry-on bag during exchange, and may not return with your old purses, McDonald's toys, "Look what I made" items, candy-filled pockets, or any "They said I could have it" crap! 

No compensation for pain and suffering!
Offer has no cash value. Your hair will grow back. All memories guaranteed priceless...
Hurry! Currently, still three children to choose from!